Wednesday, May 13, 2015

An epic exam

First Maths exam out of the motherfucking way!
Excuse the unprecedented swearing, but I just saw this:

My favourite quote being "right eye... like a subsequent motherfucker"

How do I think the maths exam went?
Like this:

I am the biggest bastard on this planet. Here's why:
The woman at the front of my penis told us to start.
A few guys hyperventilated.
Some girls synchronised their pen clicks amongst other things.
But no matter where you looked, maths papers were being torn to shreds by thinking minds...
Unless of course you look at the desk that was mine.

I waited for two minutes.
The invigilators were shocked.
"Is he one of the dumb ones?" They must have thought,
unaware of my absolute genius.
As slow as Barack Obama's presidential speech, I opened the paper.

Just by looking at it, the question solved itself.
My Wizard Powers exploded, causing the guy next to me to orgasm in agony.
That dimwit struggled with the first part of the first question, while I zoomed to the end of the paper.
Without mercy, I closed it and sat there for ten minutes expecting the exam to end...

Only to realise that I had finished a ninety minute paper in sixteen sexy seconds minutes.

Just to make sure, I looked over it to find any errors.
An error!!!
What do we do?

I came out like a Boss.
Whilst the lower classes discussed their struggles, I walked out knowing I may have just bagged a 100%
That is one step closer to Cambridge.

On the Bus, one of my arch enemies friends made me question something though.
Is Cambridge fun?
I don't know.
I know UCL is fun.
Hmm... I'd love to watch a rap battle between Cambridge and UCL now,
 so I'll put up the closest thing to it in existence.

*Blog post terminated as I went off to do other stuff... like try to come up with a superhero story*

Thursday, May 7, 2015

7 deadly distractions for every guy

There are a seven deadly distractions all teenage boys face.
All of them involve the internet in one way or another.

Distraction #1 Girls
(sorry gay guys... comment below to petition against me)
Girls are, of course, the biggest distraction invented by God.

There are girls in school, in the family, at the bus stop, in music videos, the movies and, sadly... porn

So of course it's no surprise that most guys wank off at least once a day
...Any subject involving a Laptop is torture for them...

Then there are those of us who can afford not to fap.
I do Karate way too often to masturbate. And besides, I'm more of an emotional person.
I've considered it before, but I've been pretty deprived when I did. So I just ended up falling asleep... or looking at music videos and trolling twitter.

Distraction # 2 Games

Mindcraft players, piss off. Games ruin people. They turn you into this possibly pedophilic individual who should have never been born:

But mostly, you just end up becoming deprived, and addicted.
So what games have I been addicted to?
Here are some links you should NOT click on (hehehe... reverse psychology)

Bubble Trouble -- A game of skill || Deprivation factor: 100%
Grepolis -- A game of strategy || Deprivation factor: 80%
Clash Of Clans -- A game of awesomeness || Deprivation factor: 40%
Tribal Wars -- A game I have long deserted || Deprivation factor: 200%

Grepolis stole two years of my life. I became an infamous member of the world I played in.
I was ShinPads the great, leader of an alliance who trolled everyone... by becoming a double agent for the top two alliances. I was finally eliminated by myself when I realised GCSEs were upon me.

Distraction #3 Blogging

Blogging is addictive...

oh crap. See you around.

*Blog post terminated when Ramin realised he hadn't done his homework for 12 weeks in a row*

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Life during A-Levels

You can guess where I live. It's staring you right in the face. Land of the BBC, Queen, and UKIP

Great fucking Britain
 And like all Brits, my first year A Level exams are coming up next week.
Maths, Further Maths, Physics, Computer Science.
You read right.
Maths. Further Maths. Physics. Computer Science.

But why dude???
I should have become a Taxi Driver... I always wanted to have my own Taxi.
Instead I am taking the equivalent of kindergarten in China.
And this guy just wants me to commit suicide:

* This blog post was terminated as Ramin committed suicide watching the above video *