Thursday, February 5, 2015

Keep going mate

It is so difficult to keep going. With what I hear you ask?
Answer: Everything.

I don't want to perform poetry in front of an audience. I don't want to go to flipping Africa. I don't want to study Mathematics, nor sit exams, nor meditate or empty my mind. And honestly, I'm doubting whether that girl would even like me as a human.

But you know what? Whenever I think of things such as these, I tell myself:
I must have wanted to do it sometime ago. And obviously, fear supersedes regrets
Humans are wave functions. They change over time. Here I go again, using 'they' instead of 'we'... Anyway, we change over time. After all, we can't always be at our best. But it is up to us to eradicate any longings for safety. And that's exactly what I will do. Saying yes to things as though I'm in a movie isn't supposed to be a joke. It's meant to eliminate boundaries.

Some beggar asked me for change. I ignored like the rest and walked into Tesco. Suddenly, I halted myself -- remembering my covenant with myself. All change that I had left, I gave to him (after having a tough time running after him).
Teacher asked the hall whether they knew how to solve the equation on the board. I was confident... too confident and I tripped up. Made a mistake. But I didn't care. Usually I'm the silent one with the answers. It felt awesome being on the other side,
Work experience opportunity. My last one went horribly, I finished one week's worth of accounting in two days. This time, I still said yes.
I wonder what else will hit me. But who cares? Just say yes. It's not easy. But I'll continue doing so.

Meanwhile, Takeo (he's cool with me naming him now) has made me watch Gotham. And wow! What an ingenious script that must have been to devise.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Cool Introverts

Isn't it kind of obvious that introverts make the best leaders? You might think I'm the complete opposite of an introvert if you meet me on the internet, but then again... you met me on the internet!

No I'm not wearing a mask. Tin foil hats are pretty different.
Psychologists would call me a sociopath. It's pretty easy for me to pretend to be someone I'm not. Heck, I started towards a qualification in youth work last week! I was praised for being confident, well thought and social. Trouble is, once I walked out of the social situation I felt so tried I might as well have been Frankenstein's monster before conception.

I even managed to start talking to a bunch of girls on the train taking centre stage! I was itching under my sweater but I didn't show it... not one bit. Yet every step of the way I thought to myself "I can't do this... this is not right" and I even left the train three stations earlier than intended just to get out of there.  Seriously, sometimes I ask myself:

      "Am I even made for this?"

In those moments I feel such sadness, I cannot possibly attempt to express it. I picture the world as I grow old and lonely and look back thinking of what I could have become. Of a future that I could have had; a life I never had.

And then I look at my current state. I've noticed how slow my progress has been. I have a tendency to jump from place to place.

First Maths. Then Physics. Then Computers. Then Databases. Then Philosophy. Then back to Maths. Then Art. And to the start! Then Poetry.... and then... youth work in Africa???

I don't even know how I ended up here man. I found out that I failed my mechanics end of week exam (probably because I bunked lesson to go to Central London). I'm such a son of a gun, always being shot around the place. So I say enough.

It's  YES MAN TIME!!! 
This time though I won't mention it to anyone I meet to keep the experiment a fair test :D

The Rules
1) Everything gets a YES unless if it goes against my faith (e.g. Bacon, Beer, and Murder)
2) Responses must be immediate and without hesitation
3) No social fears. Doesn't fucking matter if there are people walking in my direction. I will not tilt         my eye sight.

4) Stop once satisfied.

And my home goals are: Revise, revise, L'chaim! 

P.S. While I was writing this, my sort of friend Takeo put an epic picture on Twitter of a tree covered in LEDs!!! TakeoSamata

Web life goes on

Websites can have brains... but not like this!!!
For all of you who have been mocking my social inability so far... get lost! I'm about to go full on nerd.

Google Drive can be used to host nice websites that have no brain. I built one such website... until I realised that having a brain was absolutely necessary! Still, I thought hosting the prototype would be a cool idea and you can visit the 
Quote Machine <<here.

In the future, I will definitely try back-end developing it using Google App Engine and I have been taking this nice course to learn exactly how to (though believe me, it has been a difficult ride so far).